Understanding the foundation of true forgiveness

Forgiveness, often discussed in churches, counseling rooms, and personal conversations, is a concept that holds immense power for transformation. However, many still grapple with its true meaning. To be truly effective, forgiveness must be rooted in truth, not misconceptions, offering hope and inspiration for those seeking emotional healing.

Defining Forgiveness

At its core, forgiveness is a conscious decision to release resentment or vengeance toward someone who has harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve it or not. From a biblical standpoint, forgiveness is central to our faith. Jesus taught in Matthew 6:14–15, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” This is a truth I’ve experienced in my own life, where forgiving others has led to my own healing and freedom. Forgiveness is not optional in the Christian walk; it is a command that unlocks healing and freedom.

In psychological terms, forgiveness is “a process of reducing negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors toward someone who has harmed you, and may also include fostering positive thoughts and feelings such as compassion” (Worthington & Scherer, 2004).

What Forgiveness Is Not

Forgiveness is powerful, but it is often misunderstood. Here are a few things forgiveness is not:

• Forgiveness is not excusing wrongdoing. It does not mean saying “it is okay” when not. True forgiveness acknowledges the hurt for what it is while choosing to release it.

• Forgiveness is not forgetting. The idea that you must forget to forgive is a harmful myth. In reality, healing often involves remembering with less pain and less control over the memory.

• Forgiveness is not reconciliation. You can forgive someone without re-entering a relationship with them. Reconciliation requires trust and mutual willingness—it is not always safe or appropriate.

• Forgiveness is not instant. Forgiveness is often a journey rather than a one-time decision for deep wounds. It involves processing the hurt and choosing—sometimes daily—not to dwell in bitterness.

Why Forgiveness Matters

Unforgiveness is not just a spiritual issue; it impacts your mental and physical health. Studies from Johns Hopkins Medicine and the Mayo Clinic show that harboring anger and resentment increases the risk of stress-related illnesses, anxiety, depression, and even cardiovascular issues (Toussaint et al., 2015). These findings underscore the importance of forgiveness in improving mood, enhancing spiritual connection, and promoting inner peace.

Forgiveness is not just an act of releasing the past but an act of self-liberation. It does not change what happened but what the offense does to you. By holding onto pain, you remain shackled to the past. Nevertheless, choosing forgiveness opens the door to freedom, empowering and motivating yourself to move forward.

A Biblical Perspective on Forgiveness

The Bible is rich with examples of forgiveness. Joseph forgave his brothers after years of betrayal (Genesis 50:20), and Jesus forgave those who crucified Him, saying, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). These examples teach us that forgiveness is not about weakness—it is about strength, grace, and obedience to God.

Conclusion

Forgiveness is not easy, but it is necessary. It does not excuse the wrong or minimize the pain, but it frees you from the burden of carrying that pain forever. When you forgive, you are not saying the other person was right—you are saying that you are no longer willing to let that hurt define you.

💬 Reflection Question:

Understanding the truth about forgiveness is crucial. It can set you free from the burden of carrying pain forever. What is one misconception about forgiveness you have believed? How might understanding the truth about forgiveness enlighten and encourage you on your healing journey?

📘 Next in the series:

Stay tuned for the next blog in this series: “How to Forgive When It Still Hurts.” You will learn practical, faith-filled strategies to walk the path of healing and grace, even when the pain lingers.

References

Worthington, E. L., & Scherer, M. (2004). Forgiveness is an emotion-focused coping strategy that can reduce health risks and promote well-being. APA Handbook of Psychology, Religion, and Spirituality.

Toussaint, L., Owen, A. D., & Cheadle, A. C. (2015). Forgive to live: Forgiveness, health, and longevity. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 38(5), 866–876. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10865-015-9642-8

Mayo Clinic Staff. (2022). Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness. Mayo Clinic.

Johns Hopkins Medicine. (2020). Forgiveness: Your health depends on it. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org